Drawing Room Discussions

Satire on drawing room discussions and the pointlessness of...

A well-lit drawing room, people sitting around it, very desi people, over here, you see an uncle with a pot belly, that he places his hands on, as if all those statues of Buddha were an inspiration from him. Over there, you see a professor at a college, a man that teaches economics, but intersperses it with lectures on religion, he seems to forget what he teaches quite an awful lot. And over there, you see a man wearing glasses, that’s the only smart thing about him. And his opinions, well his opinions are very smart, and they are very strikingly similar to those of the smartest person in whatever room he’s in, only worded differently, and suspiciously timed two people after the smartest person has spoken. Always two after. And a fourth person you see, as we go clockwise around this room, the fourth, sitting next to the air conditioner, prime location for this room, a small glass plate of nuts right next to him, from which he picks up with his forefinger and thumb, one or two every now and then, very periodically, very methodically, the patriarch of this family. The eldest, the wisest, the one they dare not disagree with. Right next to the unlit fireplace, you see an elderly man, that seems shy, like that kid in school who was never sure of himself. He tries to get in a word every now and then, edgewise, but it always seems as if he has not spoken, and they ignore him and move on.

 

This is a drawing room discussion. You’ll find these in every privileged drawing room in the country, people talking about the country’s problems as if talking about them will solve them.

 

“This is a bloody yahoodi saazish (Zionist conspiracy),” the university professor booms, face red “These bomb blasts are inspired by the yahoodis, in an attempt to destabilize this country. What does Pakistan mean? Pure land. What is our main religion? Islam. We are the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. They are trying to destabilize us, and look how well it’s working. The terrorists are Muslims, all the yahoodis have to do is provide the funding to these groups, and brainwash them.”

 

“Now listen, major,” Buddha stomach says, “it’s not a yahoodi saazish, it’s an Amreeki saazish (American conspiracy). They wanted us to keep India and China in check. We have the most suitable position in the world, suitable location, we used to be a major port for airports, before Dubai. They need us to keep India and China in check. And that works really well, if we are destabilized, and not noticing that they have bases all around. People all around. Like that American man who killed one of his robbers last month. The robber was shot with a gun only handed to secret service agents. And after the first day, no news channel reported it. They were hushed up,” he finishes with a knowing wink, and a smug smile.

 

The shy man, “Listen, we should be focusing on ourselves and our proble-“

 

Nahin yaar, it’s definitely yahoodi.”

“Maybe it’s both.”

 

And the arguments continue till dinner is served, and everyone happily engorges themselves on food while the lights of reason continue to dim out.